Clenched Fist Salute of the Day

Ottawa Sun Online: NEWS - Abominable snow sissies

Take it away, Earl:

"So I'm driving along Carling Ave. in what uniquely makes Ottawa winters Ottawa winters. The God-Forsaken Snowstorm.

And mine eyes behold the coming of the idiot sliding and swerving through the red light at the intersection, nearly getting himself whacked, because he thinks he's driving in a tropical paradise, and I want to yell:

"Bonehead. When the hell is it going to dawn on you? This is Ottawa. This is winter. We get snow. We get ice. We get whiteouts. Lots and lots of snow and ice and whiteouts and you'll be the first one screaming about not enough salt on the roads, not enough sand, not enough plowing, ohmigod, people are gonna crash, people are gonna get killed, people are gonna slip and fall and break their necks, people are gonna disappear in snowbanks and freeze to death."

Sissies.

That's what Ottawans have become. Winter sissypants who mewl and whine and fret and tremble in fear every time Ottawa gets royally clobbered with what Ottawa is supposed to get royally clobbered with in the winter and comes with what once meant being an Ottawan -- The God-Forsaken Snowstorm.

To you I say: SUCK IT UP and SHADDUP.

[...]

Like I said: Sissypants.

Talking of pants, you've now got Ottawans in the winter driving vehicles with heat coming up through the seat and through their pants and underwear and warming their asses. It's enough to make me embarrassed to be an Ottawan.

These seats must have been invented by Bermudans. The Ottawan birthright is to have a proud frozen ass in the winter.

What's next? Heated steering wheels? Heated floor pedals? Heated door handles? Yeah, I'll swerve off the icy road, I'll drive like a senseless moron, I'll die, but, by geezus, I'll die with a lovely heated ass"

Read it in all its glory before the link rots. This one struck a nerve with me, because as you know, I am now a resident of Lotus Land, which is (snort) getting "blasted" with its annual "winter storm" (snicker) and "extreme cold forecast for the weekend" (read: all of zero degrees C, with a "trace" of snow expected). I was giddily anticipating true automotive carnage this morning (note: I live close enough to walk from home to work), but was surprised to see minimal impact on traffic. The reason? - the bloody pooftahs just stayed home. Unbelievable - a few flakes and every man, woman and child takes a great big goddamn snow day. I'm telling you, there's something really wrong with these people. Can they even be considered Canadian?
# 11:09 AM